


Just Get It On Already

by CaptainEdgarOfTheHole



Series: Orange and Aqua [3]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: M/M, Tucker is so done with these idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-10
Updated: 2015-08-10
Packaged: 2018-04-13 23:31:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4541631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainEdgarOfTheHole/pseuds/CaptainEdgarOfTheHole
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tucker decides that Grif and Simmons are taking too long to figure out how to get to the banging already and decides to take control of the situation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Get It On Already

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry It took so long to get this one out but I was overseas for a while! but to make up for it I have the next few fics all ready to roll out over the next few weeks. And guess what! there is going to be some awesome Tuckington coming up!

“So… This is awkward”

“Fuck off Tucker”

“Okay then!”

At Grifs order Tucker turns and disappears off down the corridor, leaving Grif and Simmons there awkwardly staring at each other.

“Umm so…” Simmons stammers.

“What the fuck Simmons!” Grif shouts getting to his feet.

Tucker wanders back into the room “Sorry, sorry but um maybe we should switch helmets” he says awkwardly looking between the two soldiers.

Grif silently yanks off the aqua helmet throwing it in the general direction of Tucker without taking his eyes off of the maroon soldier.

“Ow! Hey careful. Fucking asshole” Tucker grumbles dropping Grifs own helmet on the ground before storming out of the room. The storming out was more for dramatics than anything else, there was no way that after all the whining he just listened to, and all the years he spent watching them – in a totally not creepy way - , that he was going to miss the big get together. So instead of going to watch Tex tear apart one of those stupid fucking teleports out of frustration, he stops just around the corner and crouches behind a box where he has a good view of the – soon to be – couple.

For far longer than Tucker thought was normal, Grif just stood there glaring at Simmons while the maroon soldier became increasingly more anxious and fidgety – obviously he felt the same way that Tucker did – eventually the silence and tension became too much for Simmons.

“So… um…”

“Seriously! What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Me? Oh there’s nothing wrong with me, nope. Mr fine and dandy over here.” Simmons squeaks, trying and failing to sound normal.

“Then why are you accusing me of fucking Tucker and better yet why do you fucking care?”

“What?” Simmons asks

“What do you mean ‘what’?”

“Oh”

“Oh?”

“Nevermind”

“Nevermind wha- Hey! Stop that!” Grif yells finally realising what Simmons is doing.

“Stop? Stop what?” Simmons asked innocently

Grif glared at the maroon soldier for a minute “You are trying to ask a bunch of vague questions to confuse me and cut the conversation short. I taught you that trick Simmons! You can’t use that against me! It won’t work!”

“Of course it won’t work! It never works! The plan is dumb”

“Hey! It’s a genius plan. That trick has saved me from doing so many chores in the past”

“No it hasn’t” Simmons scoffs

“Of course it has”

“When?”

“What?”

“When has it ever worked?”

“Worked?”

“Yeah, when?”

“What?”

“Oh you know what just forget it!”

“Ha!” Grif shouts with a smug grin “Doesn’t work my ass”

“That- You- Shut up Grif!”

Simmons crosses his arms in front of himself and pouts as Grif begins to cackle at his friend. All the while Tucker had begun to bang his head against the wall frustrated at the idiocy of these two.

_Seriously! I stayed for this!_ Tucker thinks _they are both going to die alone in some dumbass fight, probably against Tex when she inevitably goes insane… again_. This means that Tucker has suffered through all the years of sexual tension and listened to Grifs stupid Simmons related breakdown (like twice now) for no reason whatsoever.

_If Tex doesn’t eventually kill them Tucker sure as hell will._

When Grifs laughter finally settles down he takes a moment to take in the sight of the pouting maroon soldier.

Even though Simmons was able to score some skin grafts to cover up the metal it was obvious that the infamously useless red command had not spared much expense on the replacement skin (though Grif has his suspicions that maybe Sarge had a hand in that, he was not exactly happy about the maroon soldier wanting to cover up is ‘mechanical masterpiece’) so the skin was about three shades darker than the redheads natural tone and where Simmons’ skin had been covered with thousands of tiny freckles the grafts were all smooth and completely bare.

Something that Grif would never admit out loud though is that he actually laments the loss of those ridiculous freckles and blemishes that on anyone else would have looked out of place and given them the look of an awkward twelve year old that would never get a date, on Simmons had just looked so right. It was easy to picture Simmons in another life as a geeky dishevelled university student, always sucking up to his professors – kissass –, drinking too much coffee, pulling all-nighters and yelling at his lazy roommate to clean up and study more.

Grif was pulled from his thoughts by a once again awkward Simmons clearing his throat.

“So… Um … You and Tucker then… When- ah when did that happen?” Simmons stammers trying his best to sound nonchalant but only achieving in sounding squeaky and uncomfortable.

Tucker – who had finally stopped trying to bash his head open out of frustration – just rolled his eyes at how pathetically obvious the maroon soldier was being and how judging by Grifs blank-mildly--bored expression he had not at all picked up on Simmons’ obvious jealousy.

“We’re not together, or fucking, or whatever the fuck you were thinking. We were just talking and then I… um” Grif fades out not wanting to admit that the reason he had been wearing Tuckers helmet was because he had a bloody panic attack like a fucking baby all because of the horror show that was his face now.

“Then you what?” Simmons asked ever the nosy prick.

“Then I- ah realised that I didn’t have my helmet and maybeHadALittlePanicAttack” Grif grumbles under his breath.

“What- you had- of well. How many times have I told you, not to take your helmet off when we are anywhere but in the base! This always happens! If you just listened to me for one” Simmons continues to rant about Grif never listening to him and how dumb Grif is.

Grif tunes out pretty quickly use to hearing this speech but surprisingly happy to hear it again. Simmons looked kind of how when he was all angry and passionate like that, not as cute as he is when he’s flustered and embarrassed.

_God what the fuck was wrong with him_ Grif thinks he never use to be this pathetic did he? This was all that stupid goddamn aqua assholes fault.

_Fucking Tucker_

“And you are not listening to a word I am saying” Simmons says with a sigh “and what the fuck are you smiling about!”

Till Simmons had said something about it Grif hadn’t realised that he was grinning like an idiot.

“Nothing, I was just- I was just thinking that…” Grif stopped, he realised that this was the perfect time to do it, just tell Simmons he was in love with him. Or he could just do what Tucker said and tell him he wants to fuck him. That way either it goes down like Tucker said it would or Simmons doesn’t blurt out that he loves him but they still get to fuck, or Simmons freaks out and Grif can claim that it was some sort of joke.

Now all he had to do was actually say the words.

Or any words.

Seriously he was now just staring at Simmons.

Still grinning like an idiot.

This really couldn’t get any more awkward.

“Just fuck already!” A shout comes from behind some boxes nearby and both red soldiers spin around faces both beet red.

Tucker stood up arms flailing angrily. He had suffered enough. If they were not going to sort this thing out then he sure as hell will. Tucker will be damned if he has to listen to another one of Grifs Simmons related breakdowns or suffer another minute of this ridiculous sexual tension.

“Tucker what the fuck?” Grif asks, silently grateful for the interruption.

“This was taking too long and I want to see Tex attempt to shove Church’s new head up is own ass-“

“That doesn’t seem physically possible”

“So we have to hurry this along” Tucker continues ignoring Simmons’ interjection.

“Grif! You want to fuck Simmons right?” both soldiers stare wide eyed at the Aqua soldier for a minute before Grifs brain catches up and he bursts out a slightly too enthusiastic yes.

“Great now Simmons” he says turning to the still shocked maroon soldier who has stopped staring at Tucker and is now staring at Grif. “You want to fuck Grif correct?”

“Me- fuc- wha- you?” Simmons stammers his brain not quite catching up

“Look verbal consent is kinda needed here man. Just say you want to fuck Grif”

“I want to fuck Grif!” Simmons exclaims the words just slipping out before Simmons could think twice about stopping them.

“Awesome! Now get to it!” Tucker says with a smug grin plastered on his face.

The three just stand there. Simmons staring at Grif, Grif staring at Tucker and Tucker grinning smugly at both of them.

“Come on guys we don’t have all day”

“What? We’re not just going to do it with you standing there!” Grif huffs

“So after all the help I’ve given you I don’t even get to see the plan through?”

“There is no way that we would ever just let you watch us fuck!”

“Prude! What about make out then?”

“No”

“Come on dude, how am I going to know that the plan was a success unless I see the evidence”

“I can just tell you later or even just take a-“

“WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!” Simmons frantic shout make both other soldiers jump “What are you talking about? Did I step into some magical world where you two are best friends? Why do you think we are going to fuck? Why do you want us to fuck? Is this some kind of bet? _What is going on_?”

Grif and Tucker just stare at Simmons as he stand there frantic eyes moving constantly like he is trying to do an impossible calculation in his head, his breaths coming out in heavy pants.

“Whoa dude chill out” Tucker says, raising his hands in a sign of surrender. “We are talking about how exactly you will go about fucking and how I can be sure you actually did it. No, you aren’t in a magical world where we are best friends, but let’s face it there is a very limited amount of people to talk to so Grif got stuck talking to me about you and I got stuck having to listen.”

“Now the reason I think you two are going to fuck” Tucker continues “is because I have been watching the two of you for years – in a totally not creepy way – so I know you both want to.”

“Why I want you to fuck is because I don’t enjoy listening to Grif whine about you and I also have a bet with Church that you will fuck before Tex goes crazy and kills us all – which seems like it could happen any minute now so if you could move this along that would be nice –. That pretty much answers the question of is it a bet but I probably should point out Grif gets nothing if I win….Well he gets laid.”

An awkward silence settles over the three as Grif and Tucker watch the explanation sink in for Simmons.

Tucker is beginning to wonder how the reds survived this long being this dumb. It was a relatively simple concept. They both want to bang, so they should bang. What was so hard – bow chicka bow wow – about that?

“Oh” Simmons says seeming to come to some sort of realisation “Okay”

“…” Grif and Tucker chare a look of confusion.

“Okay?” Grif asks.

“Yes”

“Yes what?”

“I am, um, on board with that, ah, course of- of action” with that said Simmons launches forward attaching his lips to Grifs if what Tucker thinks is the most awkward kiss he has ever witnessed.

The kiss must have felt better than it looked however as soon Grif was kissing back just as enthusiastically, hands clutching at maroon armour to pull the other soldier as close as he could with the restrictions that heavy battle armour provides.

It was entertaining till those hands began attempting to pull armour off, as much as Tucker joked about watching them get down, he really thinks that’s a scaring sight that nobody should have to experience.

With a call to remind them that safe sex is the best sex, Tucker flees the room, heading towards the sound of Churches futile pleas for Tex to stop hitting him with his old body.

**Author's Note:**

> Heyo! sorry for any mistakes I don't have a Beta. Hope you like it anyway!  
> Thanks to everyone who has been reading these! you guys are so awesome!
> 
> <3 you all


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